| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2007|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | As I Lay Dying | ] |
Thought for the night:
How is someone supposed to love me when I don't even like myself?
AKA: My number one problem in relationships |
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| The Summer So Far.... |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|11:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Annuals | ] |
So, really the only event of my summer so far has been going to see Bloc Party
Mostly because all my "friends" hate me, apparently
I'm kidding...or am I?!
SNAP
Anyway. Bloc Part was awesome, and thanks to that show I can no longer hear the song "Pioneers" without almost crying. I'm not even joking, seeing them play it live and then being reminded of how emotional it was when I was there...my eyes mist up a little every time. I was glad they played old songs for more than half the set, because at that point, I knew like three new songs, and it's just not as fun when you don't know the song and can't sing along.
At one point during the encore I said to Jessie "If they don't play Helicopter, I'm going to cry"...and then they busted out Helicopter right after I said that. I love that song. They made my day.
Opening bands...
Annuals were superfantastic. I recognized them from an article I had read about them in Rolling Stone, but I had never listened to them before. Rolling Stone did not do them justice, I want to go to Chapel Hill now so I can find some people like them to be in a band with. Plus, their keyboard player was beautiful. Wow...
The Noisettes were an...experience. Their live show is so intense. I think it was about the closest any of the people I went with (minus Tyler) have ever gotten to a hardcore show. They were like if a jazz/soul singer decided to up and join a noisy punk band one day. I suspect that's actually exactly what happened.
After the show, I had the crazy idea to run around to the back to their bus and meet them. I didn't think it would work, but soon enough we had met 2/3 of the Noisettes and we waited for Bloc Party. We waited for more than two hours for all of them to come out. Russell came out really early so he could go sleep. He was so shy...adorable, really. Matt and Gordon came out next, and I asked Gordon about his bass tone, and now I have to get some stacks...and a P-Bass apparently, he loves P-Basses. Oh, Matt was badass, duh. And finally Kele came out. I wanted to tell him how he's my hero and all that...but there were surprisingly other people there with us at 2 AM and they wanted stuff signed.
Hargis had a Cayman dollar (which has the Queen on it) that he got the band to sign. Every time he gave it to them they'd make some kind of comment about how the Queen was on there. Russell said, "Oh, I think I've seen her around before" and Gordon defaced her. Fun stuff.
After the concert, Hargis, Will and I went to Steak and Shake. At like 4 in the morning.
WHY IS STEAK AND SHAKE OPEN SO DAMN LATE?! |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2007|09:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lamb of God | ] |
Sometimes I hate being datable. Yeah, that sounds weird, but let me explain.
Super attractive guys: Girls will talk to them because there's that everlasting hope that that guys will stoop down and date them. Well, he won't, but it's the chase that's really fun, eh?
Friendly, brotherly guys: No threat here. Just some guy that girls can get to shower them with compliments and call them by terms of endearment without the burden of dating them.
Gay guys: Just want to hang out with the girls! (Angry Little Girls reference +10 points) Um, girls like them because, well, they're GAY. They might as well be girls, and they're fun. But the mere fact that they are guys makes straight guys resent their power over women.
And we get to the final category...
Datable, attainable guys: Girls can easily date this guy. He's not too brotherly, he's not too attractive, and he's certainly not gay. But there's no chase and no safety in these guys. (Well, safety in that you can totally get him, but he's going to try to kiss you.) Girls do not like to talk to them. They are frequently frustrated.
So, yeah, I don't like being one of those guys. Sure it's fun when I'm actually being dated, but when I'm not, gag me with a spoon, eh?
Anyway, rant done.
Bloc Party on Saturday
I want to touch one of them |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 27th, 2007|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
What a miserable night.
I leave one place because I feel excluded
And I just end up in another place where the one person I've wanted to talk to for weeks blatantly ignores me
I messed up somewhere along the way
I'm not sure where
But I've royally screwed myself over, life-wise
I wish she would call me
I know she won't, but I still wish it |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2007|07:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Avett Brothers | ] |
And so it's come to this
I have no one to go to with my problem
It's just some dumb problem
That should have been solved months ago
I guess I just got too used to it being easy
I don't like things being difficult
Working (and putting myself in a vulnerable position) is just not my idea of a good time
On a positive note, I finished writing Art Is Useless, Go Home. We're starting to shoot it on Saturday. This is assuming the rest of my transvestite outfit comes here in the mail.
Ha, I love this movie. It's going to make me feel so much better. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 1st, 2007|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | From First to Last- Such a Tragedy | ] |
If I'm surrounded by so many loving and accepting people...why do I still feel so alone?
Is it because I am "that kid"?
The proverbial "Karen" that Dane Cook talks about?
Maybe
It's like I'm only really "friends" with five or so people
And the rest of the people I know use me when they need me and ignore me when they don't
I'm not like...soul-tearingly lonely or anything...I'd just like to, for once, be on the inside of things, instead of constantly trying to get into them. Running behind everyone, pathetically yelling, "Hey! Wait up! Me too, guys, right?! Wait up!"
Maybe ESU spoiled me. I was able to be who I wanted to be for a few days. The real me. People liked me for who I was and for once I was comfortable. I wanted to come back and be like I was there, but immediately I just became what I used to be. It frustrates me really.
I think tomorrow I'll go in and just be real Ted for once.
Not what everyone else expects of me.
I just want some companionship
that's all |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2007|07:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Scapegoat | ] |
I am so tired of being angry
I am so tired of hating everything
I am so tired of being a BOY (explanation for that later)
Yeah, ever since I cut my hair I just kind of turned into an intentional punk douschebag. It was fun for a while, but yeah, I'm done with that. I'm going to start being a little happier now.
As for me being a boy, well, I've never really been very masculine. I was always the gayest straight kid alive. But then I cut my hair, and what do you know, I became some testosteroned up skin head. I was so ready to shed "emo kid" and be a "real" hardcore punk. As of late, however, I've realized that's not really what I am.
So I'm going to revert back to some of my feminine ways. Not all of them, I like being a boy a little bit, and honestly, it's just better for me if I stay being somewhat of a boy. But yeah, being all the way boy is done.
I'm tired of work too. I wish my teachers would give me a damn break. I'm not a machine, thanks. Stop giving me a million papers to do. Stop giving me a test every week. I need a break.
I was going to write something in my livejournal last night, but then I decided to write it in a notebook instead. I ended up with this sprawling free verse poem about everything I'm afraid to say to someone. It was actually kind of fun...I think I'm going to write more stuff down in there. It really makes me feel better, and I need somewhere private to write stuff. Livejournal is just too public.
Back to my homework...(oh boy) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2007|07:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | He Is Legend | ] |
I haven't written in here in a while...
And now that I'm trying to think of what to write in here, I realize why. I have nothing to share with the world anymore. Unfortunate.
A lot of people have remarked about how I seem "angry" lately. Weird, because I don't really feel any angrier. Maybe a little pissed. But I'm pissed so consistantly now, that I guess I don't notice it anymore.
I can't wait until I'm unstressed. I wonder how long that'll take. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2007|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Aiden "Nightmare Anatomy" | ] |
Today was such a good day. Because:
I got a 90 on my Bio test that I was convinced I'd fail
I totally owned the AP US mock trial, getting my client off on all three counts
I was praised heavily at rehearsal today when I didn't even expect it
I got a 2130 on my practice SAT
and
Life is just looking up all around!
Damn, it's like nothing is wrong. I hope this is the other shoe dropping, because if it isn't and the other shoe is about to crush me...well you know what? I'd rather not know. I'm doing fine, thanks.
One thing though, I wish I could take my ego and give it away to someone else. This person is so wonderful and has every reason to have a HUGE ego, but they don't and it hurts me to hear what they say about themselves. School is not for everyone, it really isn't, and it's not a measure of how successful you are at living. And they should just ignore what other people say about them.
You're doing nothing wrong, kid. Just know that.
And I'm sorry that I'm completely insensitive sometimes, I don't mean to be. I just wish we could be as comfortable around other people as we are when we're alone, so I act like we are. But we're not, and I'm going to act like I could care less when I see you in person next, but I'm telling you now, I really am sorry.
(By the way, other people reading this, I didn't fight with that person or anything. It's just I felt I needed to say that.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 5th, 2007|07:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Blood Brothers "Young Machetes" | ] |
I've been listening to the new Blood Brothers cd, Young Machetes, on repeat for hours now. I love it. It seems my involvement with noise music has brought back my appreciation for weird, experimental and harsh music. I remember I used to be big into that before regressing back into traditional metal and hardcore. It's a good change I suppose.
College is becoming more and more real as of late. I actually have to start thinking about. As of right now my top three colleges are: Brown, Stanford and Chapel Hill. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get into at least one of them, so that's good. I would like to be involved in the noise scene up in Rhode Island or the punk scene in California, but there is something to be said for Chapel Hill's music scene.
I decided that surrounding music scene is my new criteria for colleges. A good film, theater, or religion (Yes, religion, like mythology and stuff) program is good too of course. But if I have to go four years without a decent show or being in a band, I might just die.
Yesterday was a lot of fun. Being unawkward is one of my favorite things to do, really.
I'm sure I made the right decision now. |
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